im sick of loving someone who never hav feelings for me the same way i have wiv him... so many, too many times i cried.. im getting tired and i just dun wna be like this no more.. enough, just enough.

why being sad when he's not, why cry when he's happy talkin to his so special girl...... srsly i cant stand this feeling anymore..

met you few days ago and that made it even harder to giv up one you. all the memoried we shared since we were in highschool still feel like it just happened only a few days ago..

but we were only good friends

what about now?

i dun think we're even friends..

you just disappear... you suddenly leave me here alone.. may i aske. why?

...

what should i do?

yo.

(sounds strange eh?)



been months again since last update, lol. new semester, new subjects, new sections, new lecturers. altho i wanna pass all subjects so bad it doesnt really look like i put my effort at all. havent hand in so many works.. gahh.. and a lot that handed in but not in time.. the only subject i always tried my best was.. well.. surprisingly, photography II..

my goddd..

i mean yeah i love photography.. but its a lil too much.. i think study with this lecturer is better than the other section, cuz the topic he chose for us is way more intereting. eventho we need to work a lot harder i still enjoy it...

but whats strange is that it kinda change my mind little by little

i started out here with a very very straight mind of going for graphic design major... i mean.. i tried so hard in every subjects related to the graphic design major.. but after i study photo II and according to this semester work i kinda think of sumthin else.. dunno... designing logos, grid grid grid, use curves and template, working infront of computer with illustrator all the time..? is that what i exactly want???

well i.. dunno either..

choosing major is a big thing.. its after next sem that i ll have to choose so maybe i gotta giv myself a lot more thoughts to this..




phew, what a headache..

future awaits!!

long time since last update.. (again)


well nothing much.. ill be on a trip tmr so just wna write something. mmph.. so im done with the summer courses, now its time for a lil break before the 1/2009 semester will come. hate to say it but its just how i really feel - lazy.

also gotta deal with family, friends, et cetera! i love hangout with friends but not ALL THE TIME.. once in a while wud be nice.. mmm.. well to say a while.. yeah its about a while already since the last time i visit clubs n stuffs.. i used to love hangout at night but ugh.. not that much anymore.. a nice place with drinks with softer music and... like somewhere chill.. wud be a lot better that loud music and dancing in the crowd.. hahahahaha talking like old age arghhhh.. i dint mean i hate it.. like i said once in while wud be nice.'

anyways,

ill be on a trip tmr so wish me luck! haha.. oh and hey i wna pray for someone too... for him to be safe from any malicious things.. hope he'll also be healthy and look after himself well...


and i wish to see you soon.....
:)




ps. ill be back with souvenir!

wow.. its been month since last entry

long time long time hehe

mmm so hows life? not so good, not so bad either. DULL for a time being -0- omg.. can this even get more boring??

uni sucks uhhh -0-
got works during the time that spose to be holiday.. what the heck.. uhh anyways this wont happen again i wish..

nothing impressive for a while.. also i havent been to inner bkk for so long! i wna go to zen and soooo many places.. but i couldnt im stuck here noo T T

ahh.. and what about lovelife.. geez ive been single for the longst time hahahahahahaha well.. no big deal.. maybe? T T






postscript: i miss my free time T T

okya i forgot a postscript last time - -..
so lets double this one! kekekeke!

hmm sem 1 ended.. then i went on a trip (finearts) for final exam. our faculty do this every year, for finearts II course we ll be going on a trip to an island.

i dint expect much for the trip.. ugh.. i mean going with juniors, - - what can be more annoying? i dno why these ppl are ultramotivated (oh does this word exists..) and suuuper noisy - - geeeez.. but it was okay.. hmm not bad.. if i dont count the sunburn on my arms = = arghhhh.. right now my skin havent yet finish it peeling off thing.. T T urghhh

but whats good is the oil painting!!!!!!!!!!

wheeeeee i always love oil paint on canvas hehehehehehe and i did it well that mr. lecturer selected it for the exhibition yeahhhhhh!!

i dint expect that tho hahahahahahahaha but its such a good thing! i love my own piece as well wheeeeeee

and also when were back the next day is to submit free subject final oil painting piece.. this one i really stuck on! and to tell the truth i finished it ON THE DAY OF THE DUE DATE

frikkin hahahahahahaha! i was thinking and sketching itl i got headache cuz i dint like any of it or if its one i like its hard (for me) to do! and then what? then i got frikkin pissed off and splash my brushes and throw everything upond the canvas =___=

yeah.. i did that - -;; but im not that kind of person you know hahahahahaha

and whats so surprised is that it looked GOOD!?!?!?!?!?
i was like oh em geeeeeee how the hell did it manage to come out okay without thinking of anything before my madness takeover = =

then i paint it a bit to not make it look too sketchy - -; and tadaaaa

guess what.

the lecturers told me it was good O__________O
then my face was HUH WHAD DAH!?

but he sid to take it back and make some are darker a bit so that itd balanced O___O

okay sir whatever i can do for you, just to here this 1 hour piece looks good it already fulfil half of my recently deadly life hahaha

then he said then take the piece back itll be on display

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i love you mr. lecturer P ad mr. lecturer SSSSSSSS <333

hahahahahaha thats funny for me but glad to know tho..





postscript no.1: ieeeeeeeeeeiiii (is that all - -;)
postscript no.2: oh gawd im broke = = why wont rainfalls turn into moneyfalls, id love to <3

hmmmm..

hi hi~ its been a long long long suuuuper long while!
hahahahahaha whatever~ i havent update this diary for so long that i almost forget i have one O_O

nothing interesting happened for the past months.. other than.. umm.. i withdraw 2 subjects.. hahahahahahahaha

yeah.. right right i know its not something i shud laugh about T T i should cry to death instead.. but well, i didnt. i mean what can you do? theres nothing to make the situation better so why the heck wud you cry for right? since nothing can be done then just have fun!

haha - -;; yeah i did had fun. A LOT. that i caught a cold T T thats too bad and my throath is hurting - - its as dry as desert T T awhh

and hey

last time i was talking about a trip to the north right.. hehe even now i still cant stop talking about it hahahahahahahaha.. but the thing is.. im sooo sooooo stupid!

shame on me i didt find my self falling in love with a guy during that trip! eeeeeekss whadda! its like a week after i came back i was somehow attracted by him haha but the truth is, i never realize that hes in the class T T whadda shame.. geeeez and then i began to like him and now im so pissed i dint like him before going on a trip! dude i mean.. if i know that i like him id hav done something during a trip right T T..

or maybe not - -?

geez im sucha coward.. when it comes to this kind of thing i always turn into a chicken T T im bad at confession and im too bad on how to get to be a friend with someone T T argh.. man.. i just hate myself soooo much..

its just hard hard hard T T

but somehow ill need to do it
i NEED to know him more
at least a friend at first T T oh god please please please




gah.. think ill need to go to Central World to pray to Trimurti God again. this time ill do it with full details!

hey... its been a while



my life s just getting worse and worse.. study, relationships, friends.. nah that bitch isnt a friend of mine, and everything..

at least i got a lil better... after went on a field trip with my seniors and others in the same dept. it was a good trip, like at last i really got to relax cuz i havent got one for like 2 years already. the place was nice and this field trip there are only ppl from 2nd years onwards up to 4th year so this time i was frikkin happy n chill cuz i dun hav to listen to those annoying 1st year chatting and screaming like kids all the time.. pfff





i need some more time to rest.. pheww.....



postscript: DISASTER!!

i always say i know
i always say i do
i always say i understand



i always say hes the one
i always say hes my only
i always say ive never met someone i love this much



i always feel that way
i always think like that
i always think i know it best

but not even once i truly understand
not even one bit







and here it comes
just like being meditated for a long while
and finally realize what the heck i was doing
was sitting there meditating for nothing


it hurt so bad like something big hit my whole body
or even worse


to finally find out i lost him
to think back and realize what i was doing

and to cry like mad - hate my own dumb self

for never do a thing to make him stay
and even even more






...

how dumb am i?
must be the worst one on earth right now

but one thing that i realize but not regret is
the true feeling of mine that i always say
'i love you'
was way too much than i had imagine

at the very least

thats my true feeling for you
how itve been
and how it will be.





postscript: happy birthday, too.

its been a while~

i was busy.........



nah actually i wasnt at all hahahahahahahaha

just that im too lazy - -;; ...really, holiday increases my laziness level to da maxxx.. ho geez..

soooo.. what ive been doing for the past 2 weeks? hmm lets see.. other than sleeping eating and surf through the internet.....

there was nothing in particuar - -

hmm.. sorry for being so lazy - -;; but other than that i did went to exam tho.. (of course = =!!) and went to the national museum (as my lecturer asked to do so) and visited the new mall opened on last year's dec.. and chill out at starbucks yay~

- -;;;;;; thats about all i did

now talking about work ive dont nothing ahahahahahahahahahaha

arghh!! its not like i havent do a thing! its just that i did two models and it seemed to fail! as wail as my watercolor painting piece afteri out some stupid amount of water.. - - geez..

wadever lahhhhh!




and its sem open this thursday weeeeh~ (weeeeh? - -;;??)

when the heck will this end T T i frikkin wna graduate so bad






postscript: and it came to this time of the year again hah... i miss you so bad.. i wna see you so so so damn bad.. i wna wna wna wna wna.. ahhh! wait for me, wud you please? i mean you did said youre waiting.. just wait a lil bit more is that okay? i myslef never want to wait.. just that it lacked.. i just hope that you still wna see me.. waiting for me somehow...

its 2009!!!!!!!!!

hahahahaha happy new year to evvvvveryone!

havent write any entry here for a while~ hehe, i was a lil bit busy with finishing up assignments T T

but at last got a break anyways~ haha





so hope 2009 is a goood goooood year for everyone including me.. hahahaha

esp. for mom and dad, best friend and friends, all lecturers in my faculty faculty, daisuke sensei, old/childhood friends, keykun and members, my seniors, ex. band member, ppl i love,

and mr. devil.................. whos even tho calling himself devil but hes always mr. angel to me hahahahahahahahahahaha





postscript: best wishes :) // well, kno what, i dun wna get angry on this day of new year but stop reading all my blogs/diary or searching through internet for my personal pages and analyzing it with other ppl which dorm do i live in, where the hell do i go, if youre not stopping your action one day youll regret.. no, maybe itll even be too late for you to regret. KEEP this in mind.